The One Who is Laughed

Incame the little girl with face covered in dread, she turned around while tears started streaming down her face.  Her wide eyes stared at what was ahead. And she said “Can you hear me? Do you hear me?”. The little girl shouted and pleas . Shaking , trembling , she says with haste

I woke up the next day after another nightmare. The nightmare i had every night. I have tried to pull my comfortable Planet turquoise colored blanket to just wrap my cold body pretending that I’m a burrito, denying the cruel reality. But the blanket seemed like already trying it best to keep distance from me. It was already on the floor. I breathe deeply before putting my foot against the cold messy floor i forgot to clean yesterday.

After rubbing my eyes, i stretched my body a for a little excitement before doing my daily chores. I washed my face to keep myself up and slowly realize that I had been walking around with my earrings missing. I sat while drinking a cup of tea in the morning and wondering when exactly did i lose them. “ah, maybe last night when i was outside?” i asked to myself. “Did someone stole it ? how do i not realize any of this?” I said.

I have always hated being on outside my house, since everything seems dangerous out there. I still think that home is the safest and the most peaceful place to go. I sleep , i eat , i go to work , i pay all my bills , goes to the internet  what else do i need to do? This world is a really boring place. This world is getting dull. There is no such thing as an eternal happiness in this world. And i have no desire to speak my thoughts with someone else. I have no desire to search for anything anymore.

I let out a sigh i do almost every single day. “Gosh I'm so tired being in this world.” I said to myself. “Now i need to search for my earrings outside , Great.” I said while slamming my head against the table until the The cup rattled. The tea splashed right directly at my hair. Again , i let out a sigh. Well its not that bad since I'm free today anyway.

“Hey you!” shout a man suddenly when i came out from my house.“Yes , you young lady! Can you help me?” The man asked. “Certainly! What can i help you with sir?” I asked. “My little girl over there is a really active person , can you watch her out while go to a restroom for a minute?” he asked . “oh that one?” I asked wile pointing at a little girl with some bandage on her head. Its seems like she is injured not long ago. “Yes that one. Watch her out for me alright?” Said the man. And then he goes away without waiting for me to answer. “Rude.” I said to myself whispering to make sure no one hear what i just said.

“Hello little girl ! What is your name?” I asked with a soft and friendly smile to make sure im not creepy enough to scares her. A stranger asking someone’s name so suddenly without any information is beyond creepy for me. She turned around. Her eyebrows lifted and her russet eyes stares at me for a second with a confused face that changes instantly with a soft and childish smile “Hello! My name is Dian! Do you want to play with me?” She asked as she walked in circle around me. “Oh alright . But first what should i call you?” I asked back . “Dian, you can call me Dian.

“Alright ! I'm really pumped up to play something! What are we going to play?”I asked pretending to be really exited about that. “Lets play Mancala!” She said. “But we do not have the board to play Mancala.” I said. “hahaha Mancala ? really ? That game is beyond old! Why are you keep playing that?” Said a little boy that seems pretty well known with Dian. “Well, there is nothing wrong with an old game and that game is pretty good!” said Dian. “No one have the board anymore.” He said. “Let’s just ignore him he wont stop doing that anyway.” Said Dian while pulling my hand to follow her. I did follow her but my eyes are still locked at that boy until that boy gone playing with the other children.

We walked without talking , it seems that she is pretty annoyed with that boy. We stopped in front of a house. “Can you please wait here?” She asked. “i need to show you something”. “Alright, but after showing it to me , lets go back to the park. You do not want you father to be worried don't you?” I said . “My father is probably eating his money right now. He let me not being bothered by him today , why should i bother him anyway? “ She said while running away to the house.

It doesn't surprise me how Dian’s father act that way. Based on the previous event , he is rude. It is seems like he is that kind of person who would sniff his or her wool flannel suits instead of using it as a cover for their children in the rain. It makes me annoyed how there are still that kind of people on this world.

“Heads up!” a sudden shout from Dian made me jump. “Ouch!” something seems to hit my face. “Are you alright?” She asked. “What was that?!” I asked in an angry tone without noticing I'm talking with a little girl. “It’s a stone that looks like a heart! See?” She said. It seems like she doesn't care if I'm angry or not. I sighed “I see that.” i lied. That stone looks like a random heavily damaged stone i see everyday instead of something that looks interesting. It does not even looks like anything for a creature like me. It would take days for me to make sure what it shaped like or maybe for only find out what it really looks like. The rock is nothing special except it is fully painted with a planet turquoise color with an grey stripes and a carving that says “Dian” on the rock.

“Lets go call my friends to play!” She said as she walked away from me. I grabbed her hand immediately to prevent her to go further from my sight. “No no no  we need to go to the park. “. “Nooo Listen let me go call my friends!” she said “you said you want to play with me, so let me grab more friends to play together with!” Her puppy eyes stares at me. I feel like I need to pitch her face for being too cute. “I totally need a sack to forcefully bring you to my house to just pitch your cute face whenever i want” i said whispering. “What?” She asked when she heard me mumbling something. “Nothing nothing just lets go!” I said while holding my urge to pitch her face.

We called her friends one by one. Ajeng, Hanum and Tyas. We walked together towards the park while having a little conversation to keep lighten up everyone’s mood.“Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.” Said Hanum. We all laughed except Ajeng that seems to be busy playing with her Smartphone. Tyas looks like a really shy person but they all seems like a pretty good girl.  After we arrive at the park, Dian tossed the rock to me and said “Okay let us shows you the game” said Dian . She does a prostration and her friends circled on her. And then they start singing. “

“Cublak-cublak suweng, suwenge teng gelenter,
mambu ketundhung gudel, pak empo lera-lere,
sopo ngguyu ndhelikake, Sir-sir pong dele kopong,
Sir-sir pong dele kopong, sir-sir pong dele kopong.”

After explained how to play that game to me , she said to me “Cublak-cublak suweng  The Suweng is scattered. The smell that the buffalo search for. The toothless man is confused. The one that laugh is the one who hides it, The good hearted one is an empty soybean . The good hearted one is an empty soybean , The good hearted one is an empty soybean.”. “That's pretty much what the lyric means , my mom told me that” She continued. “Do you understand how to play now?”  Said  Dian. “Nah , Understand or not i am not going to explain to you how to play anymore. I wont let my time waste because i have to explain this to you one hundred times! lets play!”

After every single one of us already take turn to be the “buffalo” we got bored and confused of what to do “Hey hey Look at this stone i kept on my house! My mom gave me this right directly from Pluto!” she said while showing the stone to her friends. “Whoa that is really cool!” Said Hanum. A blue painted random stone. “Did her mom really told her that terrible lies?” I asked to myself. “with this stone  , i can fly easily!” she said “Oh that is really awesome!” I said , again , pretending to be exited about that. Its funny how a child believe everything adult said. And its really terrible how we , adults makes so much lies.

Suddenly, Dian’s father came and snatched the “Pluto rock” from Dian hand  “Hah! Pluto rock? What a joke!” he said. “Hey give it back!” Dian shouted and runs towards her father . Her father is way taller than Dian and he ran so fast. It’s impossible for me or even Dian to catch him. We stopped beside a cliff. “Give me back my Pluto rock! Please father it’s from Mom ! It’s really precious for me! Please give it back Father! ” Said Dian. “Just think of this as a punishment for you , a little girl that doesn't fulfill her promise” said Dian’s father. He threw the rock into the cliff without even hesitating. “Whats wrong?” said Dian’s father. “Its not a problem for someone who can fly right?” he continued. “Hey sweetie its okay. I can make you another o- “

It was so sudden. Dian jumped into the cliff before i can even finish my sentence. We was so happy playing untill his father came and take away our happiness. I could not take how terrible this is. I cried infront of Dian’s father without doing anything. Her father only let out a sigh and called the ambulance. I was so angry. I want to just scream and yell at her father for doing this to her. But , none of those came out from my mouth. “She should have stayed home and studying while I'm making money. If she does that, this world world would be a better place for both of us.” He said. I feel really disgusted just after he said that. I cannot believe how humans think this way towards another. Especially his daughter. My felt my stomach tighten .I kept staring at Dian’s father until the sirene of the ambulance Dian’s father called came.

The cliff is not deep enough to kill someone, But it is enough to do that for someone who jumped right into it. Still , a miracle happened and she is still alive. But she need to stay in the hospital and she is not on a good condition. That's how i would like to put it because i would like to believe that there is still hope that she can continue living as a normal girl. I would love to believe that someday me and Dian forget this and pretend that it never happened.

 i come and visit Dian in the hospital. The gleam of sunlight that was lining at the edge of her world goes trough her window as she woke up after realizing that I'm here. It was quiet , like a sudden silence with a stagnant leftover after a storm that leaves you huddled in a blanket and hoping that none of this ever happened . That kind of morning that forces me to open my eye shore to face against the bitter reality.

 I came up to her and give her a doll to hopefully cheer her up. “Thank you.”She said to me weakly. “No problem sweaty.” I said with a forced smile. “Never try  Seeing her condition right now made me want to just hug her and tell everything is going to be okay. Even I've only seen her a day , she have made my day beautiful and i do not want to lose her this way. “Do you want something else?” I asked “ Can you please bring my friends tomorrow ? I would like to meet them” She said. “I will try my best sweaty.”

On the next day her friends came into the hospital to visit Dian. They are really exited to see each other . They started to tell jokes, stories , and many other things. “Uh Oh I really hate visiting someone in a hospital! Did you know why? Its because there are so many stairs here! And i don't trust these stairs because they're always up to something. Hahahaha!” Jokes Hanum. Me and the others laugh at the jokes Hanum makes.

Looking at how happy these children are really made me glad i met them especially Dian. It feels like Her happiness is my happiness. Her joy made me feel peace. I can’t believe how a little happiness mean so much to me. Im still wondering why her father woudn't care more for this sweet little girl. I bet her father do not even care at all beside making sure she is alive. But she is still here, playing with their friends.

And that already made me glad i came outside that day. “Have you ever sat in complete darkness with someone?” Asked Dian when her friends already goes home. “No , why asking?” i asked “Somehow the words feel heavier and the phrases deeper, and all of a sudden the room is no longer just in darkness but quietly lit with the light of their soul. You can see it bare. Without its shell. Defenseless.” she answered “There’s too much truth the light hides.” . “No i never felt like that before.” I answered honestly.

She do not run from emptiness. Her life ridding itself from the mess it’s collected. Once she are empty, she began filling it with good things. “What am I.” I mumbled. “You are my friend.” Surprisingly , she heard what i have said. “You are my happiness. Just like the others.” She continued. Tears began to flow down to my cheek.

“You are my happiness. You have helped me on my life. but I'm scared.” She said and turned around to look at her window where the light of a lazy afternoon gleams towards us. She grip her white mattress and continued “If you are just like the others, that means you also did not exist. Am i right?”

It feels like i can breathe no more. I feel like a broken shells, shattered pieces by pieces. Slowly , i became defenseless. I just want to hear her laugh again. Its been so long. The thought that i can disappear instantly with a single sentence gave me creeps. “I- I am really sorry “ I said , hoping that my voice can still be heard. “It’s funny how I'm still believe you are still alive.” She said as she tighten her grip towards her mattress. “I am really sorry.” I said again and tilting my head to face another object.

“What do you mean she can not be healed?! How many should i pay you to keep her alive?!” shout Dian’s father to a doctor outside Dian’s room. “I am really sorry sir, but there is nothing i can do. “You said you are a doctor. How can you not heal her?!” He keep yelling at the doctor over and over again.

Believe me i would like to stare at her face as long as i can. But i cant. It is better if i just turn around and keep myself silent. I tighten my lips to make sure i didn't make the atmosphere worse. I just wanted to hear her laugh again. Its been so long. But i know a money eater creature like me do not deserve that kind of happiness. Not even once.

the little girl with face covered in dread , she turned around while tears started streaming down her face.  Her wide eyes stared at what was ahead. And she said “Can you hear me? Do you hear me?”. The little girl shouts and pleas. “I am already thankful for a little eternity you have to me in a short time. But please , please i beg you.” Shaking , trembling , she says with haste . “ Please stay with me a little longer! Can you hear me? Do you hear me?” . But the only respond she receive is her own grief.

A fragment of memory that lies between my thought. Her hair have not dry yet when she runs to the park after i tried to dry her hair up. That time when she keep sighing then i told her important things.That time when i keep yelling at her because she doesn't get up quickly and keep rubbing her eyes when she is about to go to school.What am I looking for, I still don’t know. Happiness, i wonder how long have i search for that.  A couple of earrings , my precious, my beloved. I can feel myself slowly disappearing. One by one. Inch by inch. I heard a fading voice.

“Cublak-cublak suweng, suwenge teng gelenter,
mambu ketundhung gudel, pak empo lera-lere,
sopo ngguyu ndhelikake, Sir-sir pong dele kopong,
Sir-sir pong dele kopong, sir-sir pong dele kopong.”

*written by Sashasina Jasmine (SMA IT AL IRSYAD PURWOKERTO_XI Grade)

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