Proud to be 'Sinden'

I  laughed unconditionally when i saw her tried her new javanese traditional dress while she tied up her hair and put some accecories in her hair bun. The dress has a bright colour and the size did not fit in her body. It was smaller. I kept laughing but it did not help anything. She kept trying to look comfortable in that dress but the reality said the another one. I suggested her to try the bigger one but she told me that she has already fallen in love with that dress and all i could do just nodded to her choise.

“Dear, are you ready? The orchestra starts fifteen minutes from now.” Then my father came up with wore his suit and suddenly he looked at my mother and his expression changed. “What are you wearing? I guess the dress is smaller, right? Ajeng, tell your mother to change the dress.”

I just rolled my eyes and back to saw my mother. Yes, the woman with this dress was my mother. She quickly ran out to the bedroom and started to change the dress. Suddenly she has already changed the dress to the bigger one and i could took out my breath slowly and saw that it was the perfect dress for the show.

I walked out to the terrace with my father and my mother. Actually i called them Bapak and Ibu. “Do not wait us, Ajeng. We will come late to home because it is a big orchestra. Just study and then sleep.” I just nodded and then closed the front door. It was many times when they worked until midnight and i was sure they might feel really tired but i could not do anything at least just praying that their condition was okay.

I tried to peep behind the curtains, felt okay if the both of them had already gone and it was safe for me to walk out to see the wonderful scenery of Solo in the night. After i felt that there was no one there, i locked the key and went out to the biggest javanese traditional fabric market in this town or people called it Pasar Klewer. There were many javanese traditional fabrics. The whole world knew it as batik. I usually visited this place because there were many people from many professions gathered here. So i did not feel alone when my parents went to work.

My father worked as a narrator and puppeteer of traditional shadow plays or we knew it as a dalang and my mother was a singer in the javanese orchestra or people called her a pesinden. They always worked together as a partner because the main reason was they were the most popular dalang and pesinden in this town, also they were a partner in the real life. So, it was not difficult to give them some works because they always worked together.

My mother always told me that became a pesinden was a privilege for her. My mother’s family background was known as a pesinden family. Every girl in that family must be a pesinden to preserve this profession and to keep the javanese songs did not lose from the power of many modern songs. My mother has became a pesinden since at young age. She had a good voice and she was beautiful. Every lyric that she sang, always made every person’s heart trembled. It was not only about her good voice and the sweet melody, it was also about her comprehension to the song.

I always enjoyed every song that she sang and once a time she asked me about to be a pesinden like her. I told her i have my own dream and she knew about how i felt. For me, to be a pesinden is very difficult because it was not about sing a song with a good voice, it was about all the qonsequences of to be a pesinden

I still walked around the pasar klewer, just to saw the people and those interactions that brought them here. I suddenly put a smile in my face. At my young age, i usually played here with my friends, it was just walked around or ran to every space in this market. While my parents worked, we were always full of laugh and happiness and i wanted those happiness always brought me here when i remembered those time.

I realized, this town was the biggest and the famous city of its culture. It was not about batik, it was also about its music, its big day celebration and many moe. The tourists always visited this place and made this place became more crowded than before. I always wondered what was made this little town became so popular? I mean, there were many foreign tourists too came here. And it made the atmosphere of living here became so different. It was like many culture combined becoming one and  we did not realize that we enjoyed living in that atmosphere.

Because of the touritst too, my mother always burned up her spirit to be a pesinden. Not only about her love to this profession, but also when she performed in front of them, she looked that they enjoyed every songs that she sang. She was feeling very proud because these traditional javanese songs could be enjoying them like when they went to a modern concert.

I chekced my whatc and it was already 8.3m p.m. i must went home before 9 pm so my father was not angry to me. Then i ran to the house with all of my energy and my heart was so trembled hoping that my parents did not catch the home before me. With the street that was still crowded and u was wondering that this market was never sleep, i finally arrived at home.

I tried to calm my self and hold my chest. It was many times when i tried to go out when they went out to work. Being at home, especially alone was not a big deal for me. When i was still 6 years old, my mother always brought me to accompany her to work because in that time, the show always started in the afternoon. So, while my mother worked, there were many other pesindens that syated there waiting their turn to sing. They taught me how to sing a traditional javanese songs or we called tembang. There were many songs and they taught me the simpler one such as cublak suweng, gundul pacul and many more. The melodies were so strong and i realized that i enjoyed when i sang those songs.

“we are back, ajeng.” A deep voice from the front door succeeded making me awaked from my sleep. It was still eleven pm and my parents finally cameback.

I tried to walked to my father and just looked around, “bapa? Where is ibu?” i kept looking aorund but i did not find her. Why my father did not cameback with her? Did she has another work tonight? So she could not return together with my father.

My father hold my shoulder, “Ajeng, listen to me. Your mother is in the hospital right now. Her energy was burned out so quickly, maybe it happened because she is already old. So when the show was still continuing, suddenly she fell out and we, or especilly me was so shocked and we ran out to bring your mother to the hospital.” He then took out his breatj slowly and then smiled at me.

“so, is her okay, now?”

“yes, she must be okay now. So, we must pray that she will be better tomorrow and after that she can go home quickly. Then , you can go back to your sleep and we can go to the hospital tomorrow. Okay, dear?”

I just nodded and go back to my room while hoping that she felt okay.

In the afternoon, me and my father went to the hospital to see my mother’s condition. Unexpectly, when we arrived, the doctor was checking my mother’s condition. He smiled to us. Yes, he might know my father or just sometimes saw him.

“so, how about her condition?”

The doctor turned back to see my father. “it is bad. Her voice is a bit severe and i think she cannot sing for awhile. She can go home now but she cannot do her activity as a pesinden because when she does, the wound would be bigger than now. So, be careful about her voice. It can heal quickly if she does not sing for awhile.”

“okay, thank you, doctor.”

I hold on my breath. It mean my mother cannot sing for awhile but actually her jobs were very crowded. It was like she left awhile from her jobs and if her voice could return. But if the wound has bigger and bigger, she could not sing and she could not be a pesinded again. It was a scary thing

“Ajeng, let me show you. Dear, you know, i am very busy now and i did not expect that i can lie down in the hospital right now. But the fact is, there is a concert tomorrow and i really want you to replace me. I know that you have your own dream, but let e see you this time in that concert. You will sit next to your father and sing, so do not feel afraid. There must be a lot of people but i am sure i will watch you in from the front seat.”

I tried to think, “Bu, you know i cannot sing those songs well and i think it is not my way to join this concert.”

“yes, you know that to be a pesinden is difficult but it is not wrong if you try once, ajeng. You are my only one daughter and i really want you to be a continuer of me. There re many people out there want to catch this job, this priviege but the cannot. Because what? They do not have those feeling when they sing those songs. The other pesinden had taught you when you are young, right? Now, it is your time to show them that what you learned is precious for you.” My mother trid to stroke my hair and put them behind my ear.

“why me? Why it must be me? There are a lot of people out there but why you chose me? I have my own dream. Can you just nodd with this and support me, or if you cannot do that just praying for me from behind my shoulder? How can you do that?” i wiped out my tears and i was still crying. It was damn hard to deal with all of this qonsequences. I really did not want to be a pesinden. No matter what happened.

My mother looked deep into my eyes and i tried to look and somewhere just did not want our eyes met in the condition like this. “you know ajeng, the reason why i chose to be a pesinden? If i am same with you, i can reach my own dream, i can do all the things that i want. But there is one thing that make me realized until know. This profession is almost exticnt. You may try to find and chose a new pesinden to replac our place but there is no one who like us. They do not even know what is the meaning about the song, they do not even know how to attract the audiences. They just sing and then finish. It cannot help anything. We beg you, to preserve this culture, or if i die, i can tell the world with my proud that there is someone who can be a person like me or better than me, and it was you. This profession is almost exticnt, ajeng. For women like us, it is a privilege to become a pesinden because we are the only one singer in that concert and it is also can preserve javanese culture.”

“....”

“I just want to see my daughter proud of her mother.” My mother tried to hide her cry.

“Okay, i will do that. At least you teach me and see me in that concert.”

***

I did not even realize that it was the biggest javanese orchestra in this year. I tried to calm down my self and i saw my mother already sat in front of the stage. Yes, it was a privilege for me because there were many people came to see this concert and it felt like they loved the music itself and they loved me as the preserver of this profession.

When the concert began, i did not realize that my mother started to cry. And now i could understand that she had been already giving me all her lesson to me to make me proud of her.

And i wish there are a lot of people out there still love their own culture and try to preserve it.

*written by Rifdani Zitananda (SMA IT AL IRSYAD PURWOKERTO_XI Grade)

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